Love, Kristen - Week 18

Kamusta!

Well this week brought something different every single day, so I think I'll just go over the highlights with you. Monday night I tried a couple of new foods: Lumpia, which is like rice and pork all rolled up in this eggroll like thing, but it's not an eggroll. It's really good though. And then the other was Cheese Ice Cream. Yes, cheese ice cream. It was scrumptious! So good. There's bits of cheese in it, kind of like the oreos in Cookies n' Cream, and then the ice cream part is just delicious. Elder Light, another American, was there at FHE as well, and I looked at him and said, "Why don't we have this in America?! This is excellent!" He was like, "I know, right?" And the Filipinos who over heard us just laughed and told us all about the other good foods they have. I still need to try jackfruit, and they are insisting that I try Balut (fertalized, COOKED, duck egg). We shall see :).

Tuesday I lead our area which was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It was actually what we call a "panted" day (no one is home) for the most part, so I was discouraged. I tried to channel the spirit to know where to go, but was just so frustrated that I couldn't. I told Sister Sablan that I just needed to walk a little, so we did. After that, I was okay. We went back and found one new person to teach, and other investigators were at home. We had four teachings that day, which isn't bad. I have a lot more respect for Sister Sablan now though--she leads everything--the area, teaching, planning, etc. It's hard! So I was glad she gave me that opportunity to learn and be humbled. She's planning on having me lead again this week, and hopefully it goes smoother :).

Zone Conference was Wednesday! I played the piano!! Yes, some members in our zone wanted to sing "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and I volunteered to accompany them on the piano. It was either that or sing, haha. But I really enjoyed accompanying them. I usually get sooo nervous when I accompany people, but this time I didn't feel nervous at all. I was able to relax and just play, and it felt GREAT! So that was a lot of fun for me, to be able to use my talent that way. I was also asked to share my testimony on Preach My Gospel, which I was nervous about, but then I got up there and the words just started to flow. I mainly said how thankful I was for it, for all of the advice it gives in doing missionary work (really, it's a culmination of years and years of missionary work, and advice from prophets, apostles, and other RM's), and how I was so grateful that we weren't doing memorized lessons anymore. We can just share from the heart and as the spirit directs. How neat is that?! I shared that I knew that this is the way the Lord wants His work done now and that I was grateful to be part of it. I gained many more insights from Zone Conference too, such as how to receive blessings (must do the thing upon which that blessing is predicated) and how to replace "comfort bits" from home (hot water, grass, cats) with new comfort bits (hot air, ...still working on the other two). Sister Pagaduan spoke on that and it was really helpful. I'm doing sooo much better than I was my first few weeks, but there's still plenty of things to adjust too.

Which brings me to this! I meant to talk about it at the end, but now seems like a good time to talk about it. I've lived in the Philippines now for a month and a half! That's so long, and not very long at all at the same time. And I'm telling you, all of you back home, I'm living on the other side of the world in every meaning of that phrase! Things are sooo different here! What you see when you look out your window, how you wash your clothes, how you shower, how you get home, how they eat, how they think...everything! Even missionary work is different here. I'm not knocking doors, like I would be in America. That's rude here. If we want a new investigator, we have to hope that someone is standing outside their house so that we can talk to them, and hope that they're not busy too because sometimes they really hate it when we interrupt them. We really have to listen to the spirit. Or, when we have investigators who expect us, we stand outside their house and yell, "Tagbalay!" (People!--Aklanon) or "Tao po!" (People!--Tagalog). Then when we get in, we teach from pamphlets. It helps them to see a picture. I don't know why. They're super smart here, but to be engaged in the lesson, it really helps them to have something to look at. We usually leave a Book of Mormon after 2-3 lessons, not 1. It seems to go better that way. We usually just give them a pamphlet to read first, and then if they keep that commitment, then we give them a Book of Mormon. So even that's different from what I was expecting.

I'm really not sure how to describe the Philippines. It's just different. The roads, the driving, the transportation (metal carriage like things attached to a motorcycle, remember?) , the shopping, the policemen at every store. But you know, it's so fun!! And I'm different too. I'm starting to realize that I'm different. I'm beginning to adopt their culture. I'm thinking differently. "Sister Danner in America" is gone now. She lives in the Philippines. And she'll come back to America, but she'll be different, but for the better. There's some things here that are so hard to see, that I wish I could change, but I learn from them, and so do the people. Sometimes it's hard for me to change. I like the way I did things in America (opening cans with a can opener instead of a knife), or walking down the street with a smile always on my face, because the people here now know me. They see me every day. They know who I am. And I represent the church to them, and in some ways Jesus Christ, because our message is about Him. And if I don't look happy, why should they listen to us? Why should they accept Him and the gospel and the peace and "happiness" I promise it will bring them, if I don't look happy? So it's all about forgetting myself for Him, and how can I expect people to change their lives for Him if I can't? So that's what I learned this week. I had a good week, I promise, but that's definitely something that I learned.

Some more fun things: Bishop and I now have a good relationship with each other. He's apologized to me A LOT for that first Sunday and we've finally established that I've forgiven him. He knows how much I want to learn the language too, so he's speaking to me in Aklanon now. However, he still likes to practice his English, so sometimes he'll speak English and I'll speak Tagalog/Aklanon as much as I can. We were doing this the other day when he said, "Sister Danner, I just have to tell you, you are not as white as you were when you got here. Your cheeks are now this pinkish/whiteish color, which means that you are getting sun, and the rest of your face is darker. Sister Danner, you're getting tanner!" Hahahaha. It made me laugh pretty hard. Sister Danner you're getting tanner. That's pretty good. But I am darker. It is wonderful too. I've always been super white! It's nice to be getting a tan. Don't worry, I'm taking care of my skin, it's fine. It just sort of comes with working out in it all day.

Another fun fact: Yesterday it probably dropped to about 70 degrees and I was FREEZING!!! Seriously, so COLD! And I've only been here 6 weeks! Home is going to be rough when I return in about 14 months (?). I don't even know how I'm going to handle it. Today is pretty cold too (again, about 70 degrees probably). I might wear a sweater to FHE tonight. We always get invited to FHE's with members, but tonight it's a less-active and we're hoping it really goes well. This family really needs to be reunited together. Wish us luck! :)

All right, I am out of time. Just one last little message though: Look for the small miracles during the day. Don't get frustrated when the big ones don't happen. We're having a hard time with some of our investigators, and getting them to progress, and get to church. We had about 10 commit to come to church, and only one came. But you know, that one man we only taught one brief lesson to, and he's 50 years old, has no family, and is very independent. But he came, and he made a friend, and seemed to really enjoy what he was learning. We could have been frustrated that the other nine didn't come, but instead we chose to focus on the one that did, and the small miracle that that was. Another small miracle was that that little girl is still reading the Book of Mormon, and not only that, but she's now labeled it as hers and has tabs for 1 Nephi, 2 Nephi, 3 Nephi, and 4 Nephi. She really likes Nephi. I don't think she realizes 3 and 4 are different people, but that's okay. So again, we could be upset that her mom still doesn't have time for us to teach her, but instead we choose to rejoice in the faith of this little girl. We're praying about what we can do for her too, to get her to baptism even though her parents aren't progressing. The mom likes us, but she's too busy, and we haven't even met the dad. We will see, and I'll keep you posted.

But yes, the little miracles. The little day to day miracles. Focus on those, be grateful for them, do your part, and let God do the rest.

Thank you for all your letters, love, prayers, and support! It really does mean the world to me!

Love you all!
Sister Danner

Love, Kristen - Week 17 (Exciting news!)

Hi Everyone!

This blog is going to be short, because BIG NEWS!!! I submitted an article to the New Era/Ensign magazine back in October about my decision to serve a mission, and guess what? THEY WANT THE STORY!!! They want me to rewrite the conclusion though from the point of a missionary though, rather than a sister about to serve. So I'll be spending some time doing that. Sorry! I can type fast though, so I'll still fill you in on quite a bit. I am sending pictures to make up for the short writing though! One is a picture of some kids of an investigator that we're teaching. A friend of our investigator, who we're also teaching, tied some ripped up palm tree leaves in their hair just to be funny, and they LOVED it, and were so cute, so I just had to take a picture with them. You can really only see the leaves in one of the girl's hair, because the leaves are in the back of the other ones, but it's still cute. The other is of me on that scary bamboo bridge we cross to get to Bakhaw (Bachao) Norte.

All right, finished, I have 8 minutes :).

Quick shoutout to Amy and Kate though! HAPPY BIRTHDAY you two!!!!!! I hope that it is a great one! Amy, be smart!! 16 years old :). Kate, enjoy yourself, and maybe go to a few dances :).

This week was great! I really love the faith of some of our investigators and their willingness to change for the Lord. It's amazing. We have three still for baptism. The hardest thing is getting them to come to church. One had to go to Iloilo because her brother had a knife go through his foot!!! And the others have been sick, and it's actually been hard to teach them period, although we do stop by and visit and offer help where we can.

I want to tell you all about this one couple though because they are SO cute! They're probably in their late 50's, and all of their children have grown up. They were taught by the missionaries in the past, but had to stop because they were just too busy with their children before. But now they're ready :). We have to go slowly with them though because they have a lot of questions, and take a little longer to understand. We've taught them the Restoration about three times now. They just really want to make sure they understand completely. They're so adorable though because although their children are grown up, and they probably have sufficient to meet their daily needs, plus a few wants probably, they still create work for themselves because they're so used to having stuff to do. Nanay Sol has a chunget, or mini store in her house, and Tatay Wilson has a cow. He takes the cow to the field everyday to feed it, and right now she's pregnant so he's had to spend a lot of time with her this week, so we only got to teach Nanay Sol. However, as we were walking back to the bamboo bridge to head back to Kalibo, we saw him, and started talking with him as he continued to walk. He said he was very sorry that he hadn't been able to meet with us, and told us about his HUGE pregnant cow (she really was ginormous), and said that he'd try to meet with us next week. As he walked past us, we saw our Plan of Salvation pamphlet rolled up in his back pocket that he had taken out to the field for some reading. We also caught him reading the Book of Mormon in his house the other day. Nanay also loves to talk to us and tell us about what it was like when she was growing up, and when she had kids at home. They're just so cute and I really hope that they continue to progress!!

Also real quick, I'm out of time, but I just want to talk again about the faithfulness of the children here. Sometimes we just teach the children because the parents aren't ready or are sometimes out drinking. It's sad, but the children run up to us whenever they see us, and so we'll teach them about prayer, or Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father, etc.It's amazing how strong they are. They'll read the pamphlets we give them and everything. We just need to get to their parents. We could baptize a few of them, but we'd need their parents permission, and we're not so sure the parents would give it. So we'll just keep planting seeds for now and pray for opportunities to either teach their parents later, or that future missionaries will contact these children when they're older.

All right, one last thing. A bird landed on my window the other day as I was studying that looked like a miniature penguin!! I'm not even kidding! It was all black, except it had a white stomach with a little yellow at top. Even it's beak was penguin-like! The only difference was that it had the feet of a sparrow instead of a penguin. It flew like a hummingbird too. It was sweet! I hope to see one again and have it stand still long enough for me to take a picture of it.

I love you all!!! Thank you for your letters, love, prayers, and support!!
Sister Danner

P.S. From Kristen's mom: She sent new photos I will be posting on Monday. Check back if they aren't here!

Love, Kristen - Week 16 (Doing better, and not sick! Yay!)

Hey Everyone!

Happy Valentines Day!! :) Haha, or Happy Single Awareness Day whichever you may choose. Yep, they have Valentines Day here in the Philippines. Lots of love songs playing around here, which is actually nothing new. They love soft rock/soft pop American love songs over here. It's hard too, because I love that sappy kind of music too. Very tempting to listen too. Haha. But it's all good. We had a Valentines Party with about 8 elders in our zone today. We made them lunch and they brought us ice cream. We made Sangaling or something like that. The elders enjoyed it, and we all loved the ice cream they brought. I'm not sure what kind it was, but it was delicious!! Like moose tracks/rocky road combined, but way better.

That brings me to this subject: I really like the food over here. I'm seriously going to have to find an Asian store when I get back so that I can make Filipino food. Or just Asian food period. It's delicious. Plus their fruit is amazing. There's this one that I really like, and can't remember the name of. It's small though, with a green skin like an orange's. When you peel it back, it looks like an orange too. You bite into it, it tastes like an orange, but then it goes sour like a lemon, but not disgustingly sour. It’s just really good. It’s like a warhead but opposite. Then there's ube ice cream. I have no idea what ube is, but it's delicious. It tastes like a Snicker Doodle Cookie, but better. They put it in Halo-halo which is my favorite dessert. It's amazing! Look it up. I love it. They also have a dessert called Buchi which is like a chinese donut, but again, better. I get both of those things from Chow King, which apparently they have in Seattle, so I may drive 5 hours when I get back home just for Halo-Halo and Buchi.

This week was really good. We had one investigator tell us that she no longer wants to meet with us, but her husband and daughter are still interested and would like to continue with the lessons. I was blessed to be able to teach the Book of Mormon Introduction to the daughter, with Sister Sablan's help, and the help of the member who was working with us that day. Normally we just read a couple paragraphs of the introduction, but this time I really felt strongly like we needed to read the entire thing with her. So we did, and at the end, I had this feeling of peace like that was exactly what we had needed to do, and there was light and happiness in the girl's eyes. She's about 13 years old, and pretty quiet, but very interested in our message. We have another family that we're teaching, where the mom is a little harder to teach, but her daughter, about 11 years old, is soaking everything in, and reading the Book of Mormon whenever she gets the chance. It's great to see the faith of these young children. We had two investigators come to church this week and they seemed to enjoy it. Both have baptismal dates for the first week of March and we're going to help them work towards that. I'll let you know more as they progress. We are also teaching an elderly man who knows that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that the Book of Mormon is true, and has a desire to come to church, but has a lot of health conditions that keep him from coming. He went to Roxas on Sunday to see if they could operate on his knees, but they couldn't. I'm not sure why. We're going to see what we can do to get him a priesthood blessing, and possibly see if we can get an exception from President for him, on the number of times they need to attend church before they can be baptized. We'll see. We're teaching another man who is progressing quite well. We ran out of Book of Mormons one night when we went to check on him, so we told him to read the part of The Restoration pamphlet that talks about the Book of Mormon. When we visited him on Saturday, he pulled out his pamphlet and said, "Where's the book?" So we pulled one out, taught him about it, and then gave it to him. I couldn't understand everything, but Sister Sablan says that he's developing a testimony about everything and anxious to learn more. The faith of some of our investigators really touches my heart. They deal with persecution, some of them, perhaps all of them, but most of them continue to press forward and pray and continue to learn more. The spirit during some of our lessons is just amazing. This really is the Lord's work.

A couple more fun facts about the Philippines: I'm tall :). Seriously. These people are so short. There are some Filipinos who are taller than me, but for the most part I'm either the same height, taller, or just a little shorter. It's kind of fun :).

The bridge to Mobo is undergoing a lot of repairs right now, and we get to a point where we're basically crossing it on two planks of wood :). Yeah, it's a little scary, but we're always just fine. The Filipinos sometimes just cross over on the thin metal slabs or whatever...beams...that's the word. It's crazy. They're entertained when I cross over on the wooden planks. I'm getting faster though, and they're starting to be impressed haha. But it's taking them a long time to fix it because they're doing it all by man power. In the US it'd probably be fixed in about 2-3 days, but here in the Philippines it's going to take about a month, maybe a bit longer, which is actually quite fast for the kind of work that they're having to do. It's all man power though. Occasionally I'll see them with a fire thing to cut steal, but that's about it. I'm really impressed.

The picture of me in black on the dirt road is in Mobo :)

I'm really working on my voice intonations, and am actually starting to have more of a rise and fall in my voice (Ilonggo accent) even when I'm speaking English. But I'm still off sometimes when I speak Tagalog/Aklanon/Ilonggo--it's starting to become a mixture of languages, which is actually good. Anyways, I never thought that I had such a thick American accent but apparently I do. I'm working on it though. I'm also starting to read from the Tagalog Book of Mormon during language study to get better at it. I've gone back and forth for months now about whether or not I should do so, because people tell me it's so deep, but then I'll read it, and I’ll be like "But I use some of these words all the time!" Plus I’ve felt sometimes like it's what I need to do. I finally talked to about three Filipinos during district meeting, and they told me that I should, that if nothing else it'll teach me sentence structure and how they say certain things. So I've been doing that, and Sister Sablan helps me know which words are a little deeper and more scriptural. I've learned new vocabulary, and am working on sentence structure. Scriptures are a little more complex in structure, but it's all good. I feel like it's definitely helping me.

One last thing I want to say is that P-Days are awesome. We have district meeting from 8-10, interviews with DL from 10-10:30, then we'll all go out to eat, and email, and shop and then usually hang out. Somehow Elder Waggoner and I always end up in the same place too, so me, Sister Sablan, Elder Waggoner, and Elder Pipit will always do stuff together. It's way fun for all of us. Last week we played pool at the top of Gaisano (mall here) and then went to FHE at the Stake President's house. Or, we went home, wrote letters :), and then met up again to go to Stake President's house. Us missionaries all bore our testimonies about the importance of missionary work, repentence, the atonement...whatever we felt like, and the spirit was really strong and powerful. The members then fed us spaghetti. One of their kids, Matt, is really, really shy, but I started talking to him. I found out that he's 8 years old, in grade 3 (if I remember correctly), his favorite subject is history (because it's easy, haha) and that he's really likes to play chess. When I found this out, I was like, "Oh really?" and challenged him to a game. He got out the board and we played. Elder Waggoner took a picture of us, and I'll send you the picture when I can. The kid was good though! Strategic little thing. I was going easy on him until I realized how good he was, and then I started playing harder. He was so funny. When I started going harder on him and cornering some of his pieces he would say things like, "Wala akong pag-asa." (I'm without hope). But then when he'd get one of my pieces, he'd say "Patay!" (Die!). Haha. When I beat him he was really good about it and said that he just needs more practice. Super cute. He sent me word this week that he's practiced and can beat me in 8 moves. So we'll have to have a rematch :).

It's so humid here that my envelopes are starting to seal themselves! Crazy, huh?

So I'm really starting to adjust and love it here. Satan is still here, but as I rely on the Lord I can feel of the Lord's power to help me resist the bad moods or the temptations. It's great. This week was fantastic. It had its ups and downs, but it really was very good. No sickness this week, and I just kept on working to align myself constantly with the Lord's will and hand all of my problems over to him. I just don't have the energy or time to deal with them, you know? So I just hand them over.

All right, I hope you all have a great week, and a wonderful Valentines Day! :) Or Singles Awareness Day, it's all good :).

Love you!
Sister Danner

Love, Kristen - Week 15

Kamusta!! :)

Well this week sure was interesting. First things first, my kasama (her companion) and I have cleared everything up. It sort of just happens when you're with someone 24/7. You love them, but they can get on your nerves too, and we just needed to communicate more, and we did and things are much better now. So no problems there.

This week was kind of rough for me. I'm learning each day to love the Philippines more and more, but let me tell you, it has been rough. I don't think one can fully understand until they fully immerse themselves in another culture, and not only that, but try to be the people's friend even though you don't fully understand them (not only because of the language, but because of the culture), the food they eat is so different (although I quite like it), and well...just everything is different! Even the grocery store is completely different!! I'm not sure how to explain it.

I was doing pretty good this week though until I got sick on Wednesday. No one worry about me--I'm okay now. We're not even sure what it was. It started out early Wednesday morning with a bad stomach ache, then later the stomach ache went away and it turned into a fever, but then the fever went away and I was just nauseus, then the nausea went away and I had a fever, then the stomach ache...everything just kept rotating. Then finally it all went away and exhaustion hit. The next day I was fine, but still very, very tired and couldn't function properly. The next day all the pains came back. It was weird. And this continued for about five days. Even today I'm still a little queasy, but I'm doing okay, I promise. I've been taking Tylenol and getting lots and lots of rest. I tend to push myself to the limit, and well, I reached my limit I guess. My body just couldn't take it anymore, and it demanded that it be rested. I did manage to work on Friday for one appointment, but it completely wore me out, and I couldn't continue after that and had to stay home the rest of the day. However, Sister Sablan and Sister Villaester were able to go out and work, and Sister Hameed stayed home with me, so our area was still taken care of.

So I just kept following Sister Pagaduan's orders about taking medicine and resting, and I'm feeling fine now. She suggested I go to the doctor, but since it was only a suggestion I said no. I've had enough of doctors, and well, I'm a little nervous to go to one here. So I said that if the fever really kicked in, fine I'd go, but for now it was just a low-grade, and I felt like rest would be sufficient. And it was. I was sooo bored at home and wanted to go out, but Sister Sablan wouldn't let me. She said, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. REST!!"

Then, I'll be honest, Sundays have always been hard for me. I think that church is my biggest trial, surprisingly enough. I've always loved church, and all of the same things are taught here of course, but it's just an adjustment too. I'm treated differently there too, but not in a bad way. They just get a little intimidated because I'm an American, and they're nervous about their English, and well, my Tagalog is so-so and because I spoke in sacrament meeting the first week, they know it :). At church it is in half English half Aklanon, and so I don't understand the Aklanon, but then I get upset because I don't think they understand English and so I can't understand why they teach in English!! So Satan really really works on me, and so I get silent, and then people wonder what's wrong with me, and it's bad because I'm a missionary and supposed to be an example! And none of our investigators came to church. The one I had gone to pick up had another person there waiting for her from another church. This investigator was going so strong and then met a lot of persecution from her family and neighbors for listening to us, and so she's actually now decided to stop taking our lessons. So I wasn't happy about that. And Sister Sablan and I were miscommunicating again. It was just rough. So after church, Sister Sablan and I had a complete heart-to-heart. The spirit was with us again, and we knew that we were once again on the right path.

But I still felt unsatisfied--like I was still doing something wrong. And I didn't figure it out until that night when Sister Sablan handed me a talk that she said really helped her when she first got here. I read it, and it solved my problem, and truly, I think it's the secret to missionary work. It's called "The Fourth Missionary," by Lawrence E. Corbridge. President Corbridge was a mission president in 2002 (I don't know over which mission), but in this talk, he talks about four different kinds of missionaries. I decided that I was currently the 3rd one--the dutifully obedient one. I was obedient because I knew it was the right thing to do. I consecrated my time and talents to the Lord, but I withheld my heart and my mind. I did what was right, but there were many times that I resented it and wished I were doing something else (sleeping, eating ice cream, being with friends, speaking English, having church in my ward back home, etc.). I could feel the spirit of the Lord leading me and guiding me to help others, but truly I wasn't gaining anything for myself, and I could tell that if I continued on this path, many souls would be blessed by my service, but that I would go home much the same and expect much the same. I would not get all that I could from a mission.

So I've decided to strive to be like the fourth kind of missionary--and that requires me to give not only my time and my talents, but also my mind and my heart to the Lord. Truly, that's the only thing that He has given me that He cannot take away, because by so doing, He'd take away my agency, and He will never do that. I must give him my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my will...and I must make them His. It sounds hard, but it's not. Believing that it's hard is false doctrine. Christ's gospel is easy, not hard. It is only when we resist and try to do things our way that it gets hard. I wish I could expound more on this talk, but that would take so much more time than I have. So I will leave you with some quotes that stood out to me:

"He cannot work on what he does not have, and He cannot have you, unless you give yourself to Him."

"You can't be happy if you don't want to do the things that lead to happiness even if you do those very things."

"I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man, but to kill it." (C.S. Lewis paraphrasing the Lord)

"In the end, your heart and your will is all that you have to give that the Lord does not already have."

"The fourth missionary does not so aspire to become a 'great' missionary; rather, he aspires to be a servant."

"You will create an ordinary man. He will create a God."

Alma 37:45-47

After reading the talk, I got down on my knees and repented. I apologized for hardening my heart so much, for doing things grudgingly and for giving in to Satan. I said that I cannot do this alone, and that I know I do not have to. I told Heavenly Father everything that I'm struggling with, and then, I offered Him my heart and my mind, I told him my dreams and desires, and then I gave them to Him, and asked him to take care of them. I cannot worry about them anymore. They're tearing me down. I said I knew he could make so much more of my life and my mission than I ever could. I gave Him myself. And after I did so, I felt a burden taken off of me. I felt light. I felt like I can do this. I know that I can.

A mission is hard. But doing it the Lord's way is easy. I know sometimes I'll give into my carnal self, but so long as I have the goal in mind to always do the best I can, and keep aligning my will, willingly, with the Lord's, everything will be okay.

This can apply to life too. I promise :).

I'm out of time. Love you all!!

Sister Danner